Life of a worker...

Initiative. One word.

I felt disgusted whenever I heard people saying that a person needs to be INITIATIVE. The last time I tried to be initiative, my boss actually rolled her eyes. She can deny it but seriously, I saw her rolling her eyes and I was like why is it so difficult for bosses to appreciate and be pleased with their employees' job? I have to admit that no one is perfect and we do commit mistakes at some point of time but you do not yell at your employees for a small mistake like the format of a table on a Powerpoint Document. 

As much as we did our best, we still failed to reach to her expectations. She kept saying her employees are not INITIATIVE enough and complained that she had to run most of the things by her own. What does she expect? She runs three businesses (at least those are the ones that I have known of) and then she started to complain about not being able to spend time with her family and her employees not being initiative and supportive enough. Doesn't she realise that most businesses are not doing well this past few years due to the economic downturn?

Let's take her restaurant as an example. She instructed us to help out in terms of marketing and so we did. We designed posters. We thought of ways to help the restaurant to gain more customers and in return what did we get? Well, we got more complaints from her saying that we did not do good enough and that no one reminded her to do stuff for the restaurant like decos for the upcoming Ramadan and Hari Raya celebration.

For me, if she was serious about the whole thing, she would not need others to remind her to do things. We're not her sticky notes. It's not that we do not have other work to do (which she insisted us to complete in a day time or else she would start to nag saying that we took a lot of time doing it).

"It takes me less than 2 hours to complete an article," she said. I am not sure if she was aware that we are required to do an online research by checking all the news archives before starting to write our article. She managed to complete hers in less than two hours, thanks to the info we fed her which to me is unfair at all.

Oh and did i mention to you about her temper? She would yell at her husband on the phone, in front of her employees and even to her 70-year-old driver for a small mistake. She did not offer him any benefits like SOCSO or EPF at all which I think is not good. What if anything happened to that poor old man? 

Sigh* Anyway, I'm glad that I no longer work there and I'm glad to have left the company, although I must admit that I did learn a couple of things throughout my time working there like "Some bosses can be a real pain in the ass"!

Dilemma Of A Creative Writer

When creativity was repressed, her world was slowly being eroded.

She has to accept the fact that those things which she was instructed to do were never meant for her.

She was not born to do such things.

They were never her talents.

She'll never forget the fact that Ms L told her she couldn't do it. Perhaps she has lost her flow of it due to the pain she was trying to forget or perhaps it was just Ms L being a terrible person as she is. She began to question her abilities.

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She is glad that she still hasn't lost it. How could she? It is her only way to describe her emotions and feelings. It is like an ecstasy for her; a quick escape from the real world. WRITING has always been her passion. She sighed a relief and published her latest blog. She smiled and thanked God for everything. 

                                                                     

 Anyhow, something better is approaching. She can sense it. It might not be big but it is something new for her to look forward to. A new life. A new start. 

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God gave her Faith. God gave her Hope. God gave her Courage. 

Her enthusiasm in achieving what she wants helped her way through the twists of life.

Love Is Meant To Flow

“Imagine smiling after a slap in the face. Then think of doing it twenty-four hours a day.” 
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

“Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.” 
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

 It is too painful for me to pretend that everything is alright; pretending that nothing had happened between us; trying to convince myself that everything will be fine and I'll forget him eventually. 

I have failed. He has failed, well, at least that's what he said. Call me stupid but I believe him. 

And yes, this is another case of love that has gone wrong. 
Trust me, I did not expect this to happen although I was aware of the spark between us and it is still there.

I did not wish to fall for him. Trust me. I cried a river over him.

He would come creeping into my mind at dusk and remain there throughout the day till I fall asleep at night. He wouldn't let me breathe even for a second. I tried my best to forget him, telling myself that he's not mine and will never be mine.

"If it's too painful for you to forget me, then don't. I have given up forgetting you and I will not try to forget you again," he said. 

Perhaps he is right ... perhaps the best way to overcome this pain is to let it be. Being in denial is too painful for me. Admitting my feelings is a relief. I love him and I want him badly. Period.

Forgive me but all these are beyond my control. I'm trapped in my own deadly maze.